Bill O’Byrne’s Bargain Bin Blues: Just One Day

Just One Day | Value for money $$

• Directed by Adam Rodgers.
• Written by Glenn German, Adam Rodgers.
• Starring Vera Farmiga, Andy Garcia, Tom Skerritt.

PHIL vs BILL
Vera Farmiga is stunning as Norman Bates’ mother on SoHo’s Bates Motel. But she must have wondered if she’d ever work again after starring in this trite, cringing romantic-comedy about the unlikely bond between a hapless, high-strung surgeon (Andy Garcia) and Farmiga’s insufferable free spirit, who meet while on a university admissions tour with their children. Don’t waste even one hour on it. — Phil Wakefield.

Despite high levels of tweeness and ham-fisted emotionalism, in certain circumstances Just One Day will probably get you laid, which is a lot more than you can say for Lawrence of Arabia.

Just One Day (its US title is At Middleton) is a day when the would-be students of Middleton University tour the college with their parents. (A rather less cerebral version of this is explored in Road Trip, which has the rather more cheerful bonus of focusing on teenage hi-jinks rather than middle-aged emotional longing.)

There are the crossing story lines of Andy Garcia (a heart surgeon called George Hartman, hyuck hyuck), his son Conrad (a very hunky Spencer Lofranco) and Edith and her daughter Audrey played by sisters Vera Farmiga and Taissa Farmiga.

The parents bunk off from the tour with wild-at-heart Edith getting George to loosen up a bit. Well, a lot.

They play chopsticks, she counsels young people, they ride stolen bicycles, they take part in improv drama which unleashes powerful truths about the disappointments of their own marriages, they get stoned with some students, they dance in each others’ arms in a scene playing to music broadcast over the student radio station by Conrad (it’s a stupid side story) while Audrey gets her dreams smashed by her linguistics professor idol played by Tom Skerritt. (But as her character is a bit of a dick the whole way through, that only seems fair.)

There are a lot of set-piece scenes that work but there are also some wild mood swings from scene to scene which is where it falls down.

Vera Farmiga saves it through her own lightness and charm, and Andy Garcia is pretty good, which is possibly because he is one of the producers and that helps in making sure the director makes lead actors look good.

Some bits are excruciating though. The bong scene with the students is just appallingly twee.

They stole these bikes. Did they not think of the consequences? Somebody has to WALK as a result of this stupid plot device. Plus, she rang a bell to make him ride faster but a closer, freeze-frame examination of the bikes shows they are NOT equipped with any bells. You’re welcome.

After all this, George and Edith fall in love but return to their real lives, driven by their children. (Metaphor? Car company product placement?) Though really, you gotta think they will find each other again. Particularly as they both have iPhones as they wave the bloody things around all the time.

Or was it Just One Day they will cherish together in lives full of regret and ennui? Well, if you’re watching this with some other unhappily married person, preferably a woman because they lap this crap up like a kitten on warm milk, then maybe at some juncture you can start unbuttoning your fancy cardy and say something suave like, “Whew, is it hot in here or are you just having a hot flush!”

If this isn’t followed by a loud slapping sound coming from the side of your face and a door being slammed, you’re probably going to have Fun Times.

It’s not a terrible terrible movie, I just gave it two stars because it was listed at something like $43 at JB Hi-Fi, which for a Blu-ray with no special features, bonuses or commentary, is ridiculous. But as the Dalai Lama may have said once, if it gets you laid, that sounds like a fair price to pay.