HDTV Movie Premieres: June 25-July 1

The A-Team: Sky Movies, 8.30pm Sunday.

There’s something absurdly compelling about this outrageously ludicrous update of the dopey ‘80s TV hit. The original was named after four hired guns who were veterans of the Vietnam war on the run from the military for a crime they didn’t commit. Fast-forward 25 years and the set-up’s the same, but with an Iraq backdrop, a female nemesis and a visual effects budget bigger than the Pentagon’s. Pity the fool who expects this A-Team to be anything more than an alphabet soup of alpha-male malarkey. (2010)

Cheaper by the Dozen: Sky Movies Greats, 8.30pm Monday.

This dime-a-dozen re-make of the 1950 Clifton Webb comedy gets cheesier by the minute. A poor relation of Ron Howard’s Parenthood, which also starred Steve Martin, it’s about a middle-aged couple juggling belated career prospects — he’s a football coach, she’s a writer — with the demands of their 12 children after shifting from the country to the city. The humour’s as lame as Martin’s career of late while the touchy-feely stuff’s gooier than the exploding scrambled eggs scene. (2003)

Spread: Sky Movies, 8.30pm Wednesday.

Ashton Kutcher plays a homeless gigolo who makes lucre from his good looks and wealthy older women – until he falls for a waitress who complicates his working life. Anne Heche and Margarita Levieva (TV’s Vanished) co-star. Kutcher and Heche were singled out for their performances but otherwise praise was thinly spread for this sex romp with an edge that blends elements of Shampoo, American Gigolo, The Graduate and Less Than Zero (one critic even dubbed it “Breakfast at Tiffany’s for the Twitter set”). (2009)

Disaster Movie: Sky Movies Greats, 8.30pm Wednesday.

The reviews for this movie genre spoof were, well, disastrous: “Seldom has a pic been more appropriately titled … yet another frantically unfunny free-form farce” (Variety); “real disaster movies have more laughs than this spoof” (The Hollywood Reporter); “a horrific waste of time, money and oxygen” (Empire). But The Los Angeles Times argued it wasn’t “100% giggle free” and Entertainment Weekly praised its “merciless” send-ups of Juno, Hannah Montana and High School Musical. (2008)

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